Crying is ok...Jesus did it

But first a follow up from yesterday...

Somewhere in Luke it says something to the effect of "from those who have been given much, much will be expected." Crap! Thats me. I have been given a lot and now I am called to give back. This is not a calling to a life of ease and pleasure and fun. I'll probably snowboard when I get the chance though.

on to today's topic.

"Jesus wept."

When I was little, I was raised in a single home. My father was not ready to raise me. So, my mother did her best. Largely, this meant days spent in front of the Disney channel. Maybe this was the case of many other people. I thought my upbringing was weird in this sense. Anyway, with my father being substituted for animated ducks and mice, I didnt get much masculine influence. If I were to see myself like then today, I would call myself a pansy. When I went to live with my grandparents, I did a lot of crying. It sort of became this default emotion for me. Right....pansy boy. I was lead to believe (and probably still believe to some extent) that it was weakness, frailty.

As the Mickey Mouse club became a lost memory in my head, I did my best to work on my emotional stability. this meant not crying, even if the situation was indeed sorrowful or sad. I did not want to weep. To me, it was a stupid thing kids did. It was something women did, and it was okay...for them. I probably still cried, but even now thinking about it, I dont remember when, and I especially dont remember doing it around people. I didnt cry in 4 years of college. I had succeeded in becoming what i thought was stronger.

Then I became a Christian and read some books about connecting with pain. the pain of the world is connected to your pain in such a manner that they are one and the same. Christianity is about love, which unfortunately means that pain must be experienced alongside those around us. Now, I feel like I have lost all the ground I have gained. Dammit if I dont cry as soon as anyone within a damn square mile is crying. And yes, it annoys me. But at the same time, I feel stronger and more whole to be able to express sorrow with someone else, even if I dont know them or why they are crying. I feel connected. And I dont feel weak because of it. Its easy to judge when you see someone else crying. People will judge you when you cry. But, when you cry, when that thing happens that brings such raw sorrow to even the most hardened of hearts, know that Jesus cries with you because he loves you. And maybe this is the same strength that makes me cry...cry with and for your sorrow that unfortunately has to exist is this broken, broken world.

Like I said...its not easy.