Family

So, I wrote a post, and then I changed most of it while writing, and now I have gone back and rewritten it. I don't want to come off as unappreciative as family, and I had done exactly that. Maybe I am unappreciative. Dang it, I hope not. Anyway...revision two:

As I drove back to Charlotte yesterday, I had a little bit of time to think about family. When I say I had a little bit of time, I mean I spent over 8 hours, driving, by myself. Despite my efforts to change the radio station every 10 minutes to avoid, I kept getting caught singing along with Beyonce (If I were a boy). I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I just change the station when she came on? Well, something about that damn song grabs me and pulls me in. I can relate to people addicted to nicotine, because I can definitely feel myself beginning to hate men and I can feel my mental health declining the more I sing to it, but I just cant quit. Sure, it may not hurt me in the long run, but statistics show that 2 out of 3 guys who listen to that song, start singing along with it. Also, 2 out of 3 guys who listen to that song will make the mistake of writing about it on their blog, and then get ridiculed and possibly physically assaulted by their guy friends, for reasons that include but are not limited to: being a pansy, listening to crap, singing along to crap, listening and singing along to crap while being a pansy.

So, yeah, i turned the radio off and began to think about family. Family is tricky. You see, the thing is, they cant fit into the normal paradigm of our interaction with people. There is a special set of rules that apply. Being unappreciative of family is asking for trouble. And yet, may people (myself included) have had huge issues with family. It seems we are allowed to be burdened by them, but if we state that we have an issue, we will get maligned...unless you're joking about family difficulties, in which case it is okay. (that is why the situations can be so tense and weird) And of course, as soon as you admit that family can cause as many problems as they help solve, karma will bite you and somehow wipe out all your friends. then you're screwed.

With normal people, we "collect" and congregate with people we share commonality with. Depending on the importance (in our mind) of the commonality, we will become good friends or casual friends. For example: since I value physical exercise, activity, and the outdoors, my two best friends are guys who like to go hiking, play racquetball, and do whatever other random physical adventure we can think of. For many guys, one of the biggest commonalities they will share with another is the combination of sex and children. This leads a man to become friends with his wife...best friends as many will say. I don't intend to insinuate that these men are not in love with their wives. I am not talking about Love here, but rather friendship. This might actually be an explanation for why people stay married after they no longer love each other, but then eventually split once the kids are gone and sex is less importance. If there is no other commonality, then whats the point of staying together? In reference to marriage or friendship, we choose who to be with. So, if the commonality is less strong, we spend less time with the person. When we are with them, we generally exercise the commonality or use that as motivation to do whatever it is that interests all parties involved.

but what about family? We don't choose them (generally speaking). So, what do you do when you are thrust into a situation where you must interact, but there is no common ground? Maybe this is why so many people dread holidays. Socially, we have created these institutions that require us to gather, because we share genes. In some cases we don't even share genes, but share connection of genes by law! So, what do we do. We visit and exercise the commonality that we do have. this usually amounts to a trivial interest in each other (so, whats new since I saw you 4 years ago?) and also...food.

**Disclaimer: I feel like there is some small aspect of this in all families. I don't feel like it is a large part of the family i visit and see, but there are definitely people i see when i go to the west coast that I have this type of relationship with.**

So, now you have to eat and make small talk until you're too tired to care that you're so bored and tired of eating that eventually you fall asleep at 2 in the afternoon. Then you wake up, make another couple hours of small talk about how you just woke from sleeping because you ate some more, and then you get hungry, so you eat some more. And then you watch a movie. On the up side, you do get to eat tons of food.

If for some reason all your friends are wiped out, family is there by natural law. Your family is supposed to be there for you. They are required to listen to your troubles and give ear to ranting and ravings.

there is something intangible as well though. Somehow, just being around family is nice. You could be in a vacuum unable to make noise, but being next to a family member is comforting. Or, maybe its only comforting because deep down we feel really kind of sad if its cold out, and its a holiday, and we are not with family. Or, maybe this is some kind of proximal effect of familiar Love. Who knows. you can still be around someone who comforts you and be bored though (boredom seems to be a common reason for divorce, and comfort seems a reason to delay it)

Of course, if things are optimal, you'll love football, and then you and the cousins can all play tackle in the backyard while the adults do the small talk/ eat/ sleep cycling.

Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year as well.