A lot has changed, but thats not important

Wow. I just read the last post. So much has changed since then. I was once told I had a blessed life. Lately I have doubted this.

1) About a month ago, I lost my position with Carrier. They laid me off, and since I was a contractor, there was no warning. It was just "you aren't working here anymore."

2) I went to have a dentist look at one of my teeth, because I was worried about it. turns out I had some pending work that needed to be done, but was neglected. As a result, I had to get a root canal and a crown. Painful, financially more than physically.

3) I have been with a woman named Nicole for over a year. I saw my future as being with her. Now, she has moved out, as our lives have diverged to the point that we are no longer growing towards each other, and especially we are not growing towards God together. Now, I live in a large, two bedroom apartment, alone. Most of her furniture and stuff is still here, since her Dad has a small apartment, and she is living with him. Worse than no longer having her here to do the routine things we did, I am reminded of her just by being here. I have no choice.

So, I question the blessed life statement. But I shouldn't. Even in my stress and sadness, I still have more than most people. My life is still amazing. And I feel like maybe this is going to lead me closer to Christ. Maybe this is God telling me that I have become too content. Maybe I am not meant to be a well-off engineer, but instead a servant. This is my Job (like the book, not the place you go for money). This is where my faith grows. This is where God uses me to do something amazing. This is where I show what it is to be loved, and to love as Christ has told me to.

Unfortunately, it appears as though its going to be difficult. Its difficult to believe that maybe things will still work out with me and Nicole. Its difficult to believe that maybe we weren't meant to be, and i will yet find someone as amazing as her. Its difficult to believe that I am going to get a job before the money runs out. Its difficult to believe what Jesus says. No amount of proving and thinking will make it any easier. This is where I either turn away from the truth, or I turn towards it. Luckily, I have tattoos that have me already pointed in the right direction. Jesus did the hardest part for me already, now I just got to put my left foot in front of my right, and open my arms to what lies ahead.